When we went to clinic and that Doc saw her he said they needed to open and clean the area and put the drain back in. Wow, that also meant another extended stay. Its not easy to stomach. Both the stay and the second barrage of medical intervention. Don’t get me wrong. I think its wonderful that they can do these life saving surgeries and such. Its just hard to watch your two week old go through it.

We are still trusting in Jesus through all of this. My wife Tara is absolutely amazing. I can’t imagine going through this with anyone else. She is ever vigilant in her care for her little girl.

On another note we have been floored by the support of our Church family. They have cared for our other six kids while we’ve been caring for Lil’ Bit. When our washing machine broke someone donated hers (thanks Nicole.) When the two toilets in our house went out last week someone came to the rescue (thanks plumbertodd.) When things were tight several of Tara’s online friends sent some gifts. We are so grateful for the way that Jesus has comforted us through his word and his people.

I am so amazed that medical science has progressed to such an extent that this surgery could be done on this little one.  This morning the surgeon came to check on her (and us.)  He’s sort of what you expect in a neurosurgeon, you know, kind of dry and academic, but you can see he cares about people too.  He asked us again today if we had any questions after he answered all of the questions we should ask him;  he would say it like this:  ”gee doctor oaks will my baby…?”  Any way we answered with our typical no not really, I guess not.  But this time he asked a question I was not ready for. “Where do you get your strength?”  I answered instinctively, “Jesus.”  He then floored me by saying, “Its clear that you have peace.”

Let me say this:  without Jesus there is no possible ground for peace in this situation.  The peace and comfort and strength are his.  They do not come from me. I am a recipient of free and gratuitous love from him.

God Rocks!

On Tuesday my wife went to the chiropractor for postpartum adjustments for her and the baby.  Our Chiro took one look at the mass and told us to have it evaluated, incidently had she not said so we were going to the doc anyway.  She sent us to a doc who is familiar and accepting of home-birth families.  You see, in Alabama where we live, most doctors will not help home-birth families very readily.  Lay midwifery is “legal,” but the midwife must be certified with the health department.  The health department has made an “administrative decision” not to grant certificates.  Nice.

On Wednesday, the primary doc was concerned, but thought that it was probably a minor neural tube defect (meningocele).   He referred us to The Children’s Hospital of Alabama at the University of Alabama Birmingham.  After sending the pictures to the pediatric neurology department they admitted us directly to the NICU.  Things just started to become a blur.  We spent the rest of the day getting tested.  Wow…here’s where the rubber meets the road in our choices about medicine and intervention.  Ya see, were not anti-medicine in general, but just have some philosophical differences with the medical community especially in regards to birthing.  Anyone who knows me has heard me say that docs are great fixers, but birth isn’t something that needs fixing (generally,) but if something needs to be fixed they are the ones to do it.

Lil’ Bit needs fixin’.  That Wednesday was all about how to transition and compromise to get the best possible care for her.  It was about putting my philosophical “money where my mouth is.”  We didn’t get any diagnoses after several tests on Wednesday.  I was concerned but hopeful.  I did kinda wondered why they didn’t have any results to share with us.  Thursday brought the news why.  They couldn’t tell us because only the neurosurgeon was the appropriate one to speak to her condition.  Your baby has a lipomyleomeningocele, he explained as he showed us the x-rays.  ”Your baby has Spina Bifida.”  Wow………….  He began to tell us all of details of her condition.  He said that the type she has is Occulta (hidden.)  In other words, there is not the opening in the skin of the lower back associated with the more common forms of Spina Bifida (good news for a home-birth baby,) which always needs surgical repair immediately to avoid infection (meningitis) of the spinal cord.

So what can be done?  He told us that there were two options 1) do nothing, and let the natural history of this defect run its course; The natural history being a 100% guarantee of progressive neurological deterioration starting at the bladder and bowel moving to the lower extremities and ending at the hips and resulting in almost unbearable pain as an adult.  2)Have a risky surgery that may result in further neurological damage and an uncertain long term outcome.   It was overwhelming.

I felt so bad for her.  I fought with everything in me to maintain composure.  I WAS NOT PREPARED.  How could this perfect little girl have such a devastating defect.  Everything I have written to this point is pretty well just the facts the situation.  So I looked at the doctor and asked if I could repeat it all back to him to make sure I understood.  So I did.  I asked if that was correct he said that yes, except he wanted to change the language a little.  Ok, I figured, maybe just a little mistake.  So he says, “The decision here is hope or no hope.”  That was the real issue.  Natural history is decisive all of the time (no hope.)  Surgery is decisive some of the time (Hope.)

Our choice:  HOPE!

I looked at the guy in that picture and realized that the changes in my life since then are more than physical.  I became a follower of Jesus at the age of 19 and he has made me into a new person.  The thoughts, hopes, dreams, and desires of that 14 year old kid have been fundamentally transformed.  I love the path that I’m walking.  I never would have dreamed I would have the wonderful wife and 7 kids I’m blessed with.  I never would have thought that I would be living in Alabama, let alone starting a new Church.  Are you kidding me!  Wow!

I am grateful for all of the experiences and friends I had growing up in Thief River Falls Minnesota.  They are an inextricable part of my story.  Check out the pic

Glory to Jesus

Just a thought.  “Be fruitful and multiply!”

Rockin’ to the Glory of God.

Peace out!  Jesus is Glorious!

I thank God this morning for all his mercies that have prepared me to take on this challenge.  I also thank him for my Church who have been faithful to see what God is doing in our midst.  Wow!! is there a lot going on this week.  Church getting a new facility(which I am running point on), and starting a new job.  I just ask God for the capacity to do both of those well as I pastor my most important flock…My family.

Thank you Tara for your loving support.  You have no idea what it means to me.  By the way I still think your HOT!

Thanks for enduring my little piece of weirdness.

By the way… be careful pressing your grapes!